Protected: Mommie Dearest

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Protected: Finding the balance

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Is it enough?

I must preface this by saying that Emily and I have been alone in the house for almost four days now. Caleb is at scooter camp and absent Em’s hospitalizations, the three of us have never been apart this long. It is strange.

Having just Em with me leaves me lots of time to ponder stupid things and not so stupid things. I keep watching her and wondering, am I enough? Do I do enough to show not just her, but Caleb too, how very much I love them and how incredibly special they are?

Am I selfish when all I want is five minutes to sit in a hot bath and not have to shout “I’m in here” when one of them discovers me missing?

Do I spend enough quality time with them? Do they feel supported in their hobbies? Am I encouraging them as much as possible?

Do they have clue how lost I would be without them? Do they know that simply seeing their faces makes my day complete?

Do they know I am their biggest cheerleader?

Do they think I am enough or are they wanting more?

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Things learned at the skate park

Having a child that lives, breathes, and sleeps all things scooter; I spend a ridiculous amount of time at the skate park. I have seen some crazy things and today, I am going to share what I have learned.

  • I must preface this one by saying I tried to get a picture of this girl, but I am not sneaky enough and kept getting caught. Not to be thought of as a creeper, I gave up. Now, when going to the skate park to support your boyfriend, always wear your finest clothes. A black mini skirt is a must, as are the black thigh highs. Finish it off with a black crop top, hair a shade of red that has never been seen anywhere in nature, and pluck your eyebrows to the thinnest of lines. Oh, and you must always pretend like you were watching when he did whatever random trick he did and respond appropriately.
  • Yes, it is an open skate park, but if your child is under the age of five and wearing his shark fin helmet, it isn’t a great idea to bring him during the most active times of the day. You have far more skilled adults and older children that understand skate park etiquette. Nine times of of ten (allowing for that one asshole) no one meant to run into your child. The fact is that he is the one breaking the lines and placing himself in a dangerous situation. “Lines” can start from very far away. Someone starts at the pool and their “line” will take them over to the lip across the park. If your child decides he wants to circle the hill multiple times, chances are he is going to get hit. The skater or scooter rider are simply going at a speed that doesn’t make stopping on a dime easy. Learn the lines and the best way to do that is to bring them during quiet times to skate and having them observe during the busier times. As a whole, the scooter kids and the skaters are a great group willing to help a newbie, but not if you just let your kids ruin their line.
  • According to one father yesterday, the skaters “didn’t have Jesus in their lives”. While I don’t know if that is true or not, since I’ve never had a theological discussion with any of them, I can say they curse. A LOT. If you are easily offended by the occasional F bomb, the skate park is not for you. I, as a matter of fact, do have Jesus in my life and have taught Caleb to tune out the noise. We are there to perfect his scooter riding. We are not there to discuss religious ideals.
  • Don’t park like an asshole. You know who you are. Parking in the middle of what should be big enough for two cars had you not been an asshole. Parking parallel more than halfway back. If you park your car straight in, this allows for more than thirty or more cars to have a spot in front of the park. If you decide to parallel more than fifty feet from the stop sign, you have screwed it up for everyone. Think, I promise it won’t hurt.
  • Don’t be an asshole. I can’t tell you have many times I have witnessed a parent jump out of their car and get in the face of a child that accidentally ran into their child. This happened to Caleb when he busted his chin on the lip. A very young child was not watching the lines and Caleb had two choices as he hit the lip; try his best to stop (in mid air) or swerve as mush as possible and limit the impact. He swerved and aside from bumping the kid, Caleb was the only person hurt in the incident. An incident that was not his fault. The father came running up to my child, who laid bleeding profusely and with bits of his teeth on the ground, and instead of apologizing, asking if he was okay, or if he needed medical attention, he SCREAMED at my son for bumping his child. His child that had no business being in the break. The other skaters in the area immediately pushed him back from Caleb and a fight ensued. This man was so focused on what he perceived as a wrong on his child that he failed to see my nine year old bleeding. Caleb was carried out of the park by friends and brought to me. I never once heard from the asshole father, but if he is reading this; Caleb was fine. He got stitches and will forever have a scar, but we just chalk that up to the life of a scooter rider. Your son was in the wrong. My son tried to minimize damage and by doing so, took the brunt of the injury. Teach your son to watch the lines and next time, make sure the rider that was seriously injured is getting medical attention and apologize for being an idiot.
  • If you see two people on skate boards and one of them is holding a very expensive looking camera while riding, understand he is filming the other riders moves. It isn’t always possible to stay out of the line of the camera, but be aware and do your best. There is nothing worse than getting the trick set up, seeing the line is clear, dropping in, and then a three year old with training wheels is suddenly in your path. This is where you will hear the bulk of the cursing. Again, if your ears are too sensitive, perhaps taking them to an empty parking lot to practice would be a better idea. Which brings me to
  • There is NOTHING at the skate park that suggests it is a great place to teach your child how to ride a bike. NOTHING. There are numerous drop ins and lips. You want your child to learn in a safe environment. This is NOT that place. Take them down the walking paths around the lake to practice. Take them to an empty lot. Don’t take them to a skate park where there are no less than fifty people (adults and kids) taking jumps, drop ins, etc. It just isn’t a good idea.
  • If you see your child fall, don’t immediately jump out of the car and go running. Caleb actually forbids me to move unless I see substantial amounts of blood and even then, I am to walk calmly to him and simply ask if he needs medical attention. If they want to be taken seriously, they have to show they can take a fall, dust themselves off, and keep trying. Obviously, if you see substantial amounts of blood, proceed to your child, but keep it cool.
  • Skate boarding and scooter riding are as much a sport as football or soccer. I fully support Caleb in his sport of choice. I make sure he has proper equipment, that his scooter is in riding condition, and that he gets as much practice as he requires to master his sport. He works his ass off every time he is there. It costs more money than one could imagine, but this is his dream and I will do everything I can to keep that dream alive.

I have seen the two older kids mock his sport. To them I say, I supported your decisions to wrestle and your decision to try out for cheer. You stopped wanting to wrestle years ago. I didn’t push you. I left it your choice. As for cheer, sadly you didn’t make it this year, but I was there with you at the meetings, the practices, etc. If you choose to try again next year, I will be there supporting you fully. This is Caleb’s sport. Don’t expect me to not support him. Embrace it or keep your opinions to yourself. Caleb didn’t mock your dreams and I expect you to return the favor.

I am a scooter mom and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Protected: I get it

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Drama

Yes, I act for a living, but that does not mean I invite drama into my every day life. I hate the ridiculous hesaid/shesaid thing. I was guilty of plenty of that here within my blog. I allowed far too much of my personal life find its way here and promised no more.

I recently, as I have mentioned, lost a very dear friend. I have not said one cross thing about her to anyone. I simply cut her out of my life. There was no need to rehash the nonsense. We both knew why the friendship was ending and it wasn’t the rest of the world’s business.

I will say that when you realize you have done something to hurt the person that you call your best friend, your first words after realizing what you have done should always be “I’m sorry”. There would be no need to explain why you are sorry. Trust me, I would have known and accepted that apology and we could have moved on.

Through it all, you will not hear me say a cruel word. I cherished our friendship. I’m sorry it had to end, but make no mistake, it had to end.

I’m sorry could have solved so very much.

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I’ve been attempting to write this for a few weeks. Too often I reveal too much of my personal life, or I sound like I am attempting to justify choices I have made. Neither of which I care to do within the confines of this blog any longer.

So, in the interest of finally getting these thoughts down, I am just going to let my fingers type and see what happens. More often than not, my blogs are written this way. It is why Kristen likes to call them my “rambling nonsense” blogs.

I don’t write so that I can gain attention. I write because it is cheaper than therapy.

A very dear friendship ended for me recently. I won’t give the reasons because frankly, they are private, but I will say that ending it was difficult. I don’t open myself up to many people.

I have a huge acting job coming up. I was getting worried because I haven’t worked in the field for about four months and felt like they had moved on. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case and out of seven performances, I am doing five. I think getting back into a role will be good for me. I can shake off some of this melancholy and start to move forward. Between rehearsals and actual performances, February and March are going to be very busy.

Work isn’t the only thing on my agenda. Caleb will turn 10 and a month later, Em turns 8. Where has the time gone? My baby will be 8. I am hoping to get Caleb to a scooter camp weekend for his birthday. Just trying to work out the logistics. He is such a mom’s boy that I’m afraid he will get homesick one night in and it is too far away for me to rush and get him. Em and I might just spend the weekend nearby. I’m sure she would love a weekend away and then if there was a problem, we could be there in a matter of minutes.

Yes, I realize he is almost 10, but he hates being away from Em and myself. He can typically handle a night at a friend’s house, but there are times he still calls to come home. I’m okay with that.

I’m not sure what Miss Em will request for her birthday and aside from “Frozen” which has kind of run its course (finally) she isn’t much interested in something I can work into a theme. Maybe a spa day. Girlie does love her make up. Something for me to look into. I would take her for a pedicure, but she has serious sensory issues with people messing with her toes.

Life is quiet around here. I have a nice short time acting role. The kids seem to be on the mend from whatever the heck this was. Seriously, by the time they give us the test results, they are going to be totally well no matter what it says. Way to rush those results.

I’m also finally getting ready to downsize my car. It is completely impractical for me to have an Expedition any longer. Em is the only one that remains in a booster seat. I never have more than three people in the car at one time and it is just a waste. I’m not sure what I want, but something with only four doors would be fantastic. Yes, the Expedition only has four doors, but it has three rows of seats and that stupid back that opens all the way up. I’m not driving a family of nine any longer and it is time my car choice reflect that.

For the record, no this blog didn’t end as I thought, but it did help. Writing…always cheaper than therapy.

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