It has been so long since I felt the need to sit down and just type my little heart out. I’m happy, in a really good head space, and loving life more than I ever could have imagined. Why than am I here seeking a nice healthy therapy session? Well, because I see one of my children suffering with some serious anxiety and I feel responsible.
This might come as a shock to many of you <insert sarcastic tone here>, but I am kind of difficult to live with. I take medications to help me stay focused. When those are slightly off, or I have one of those great ideas that I am doing so well that I no longer need the medication, life gets tricky. I will be fine one second and in the next I am in the midst of a major panic attack. This can’t be easy for my kids.
Depression and anxiety go hand in hand and both are hereditary. Trust me, looking back at the behaviors from adults during my childhood, I didn’t just come up with this on my own. There were some serious issues that were never addressed and I think more than a few would have done far better had they just sought out a decent therapist.
Which brings me to my child. I see the anxiety start to build right around now when the mention of school is brought up. This child once LOVED school and now will seriously break out into hives when the word is spoken. It isn’t a mean teacher, a non supportive school, or even an issue with classmates. This is in my child’s head and I am clueless how to help get it out.
I have been blessed to have changed schools and seen so much more support for not only the academics, but also a focus on the mental health of my children. We discussed talking to a therapist the school provided and when we made the appointment, suddenly the anxiety disappeared and things were back to the child that once loved school. I regret not keeping that appointment, but at the request of the child and the change in mood, I didn’t.
I sometimes wonder was it enough just to know that the teacher and myself were concerned enough to seek out assistance. I really won’t ever know because it isn’t something we bring up every day. I see it outside of school as well. When trying to master a new task, the anxiety flares and I hear “I can’t” more often than I hear “I did”. I try my best to push without being overbearing. I want my children to know they can do anything as long as they put in the necessary work. Life is difficult. We don’t just wake up one morning and know all we need to know about everything. We must take the time to learn it and master it.
I hate that I am the reason my child is hurting. I want to assure this child that it will get better in time. They will learn the coping skills necessary in order to lessen the anxiety. I just hate that any child has to learn coping skills in order to function.
To my anxiety ridden child I simply want to say; I’m sorry. I promise you that together we will get through this. No one did anything perfectly the first time they tried. You are perfect in my eyes. I will do everything I can to make this as much of a non issue for you as I can. I will never say you are too sensitive (I actually think that is one of your best traits) and I will do my best to never make you feel as though your emotions are wrong. I love you and you make me so proud every single day.
Anxiety and depression suck. That is all.