So yeah, this is my life

One of those “I want to blog this, but it keeps coming out wrong” kind of days. 

I guess this will be my infamous ramble blog and we will see where it goes.

Em’s new medicine regimen is working out well. The doctor said to put off potty training her for at least six months. This will give her body time to adjust and recognize the signs. She knows how to use the potty and can wear panties accident free, but for her bowel issue. We are hoping at the end of these six months, she is on a regular schedule and we can seamlessly move from pull ups to panties. 

Walking the lake has yet to happen. There is so much going on that Jami and I need to get cleared up so that life can move forward in a positive manner for our families. We spend much of our mornings tag teaming different agencies and were pretty successful today. I am hoping we can get out in the morning for our first lake walk. At this point, all calls have been made and it is just a waiting game, so why not wait while we walk the lake and get some exercise? 

Today was crazy busy, but we were able to laugh at much of it and no one was killed. Trust me, that is a major accomplishment considering what we were up against. 

It has been such a blessing to have Jami in our lives. Yes, life can get crazy, but we are in it together and can find humor in just about everything. Her grandparents are the sweetest people on this earth and I have a serious crush on Grandpa. He is a hoot and Grandma is such a kind woman. The kids love going to their house to play. Caleb is a huge help when it comes to unloading firewood. 

So yeah, this is my life and I have not one complaint. 

 

 

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Embracing my creative side

First of all, I am the least creative person in the world. I do not do crafts. I don’t do fancy meals. However, I do write and I realized the other day that writing is how I embrace the creative side of myself. 

Jami and I have been busy all weekend doing wild and crazy things like laundry and dinner. I know, be jelly…we are such the party animals. We did have some quiet time that we talked and discussed things going on in each of our lives. It was during that discussion that I was reminded of how much I enjoy writing and how little of it  I am actually doing.

After a rough few weeks of med errors, I am happily back firmly on the ground. If there is one thing I learned during the prescription mix up, it is I NEED my medication. My entire outlook changes when I am off balance and it takes a few days of the right meds to get me back on track. 

My dad’s birthday was on Saturday and I handled it as I usually do. Crying and missing him terribly. I did my best to limit interaction with people so they wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, Jami is used to me being a crying mess, so she just let me cry. Don’t tell her, but I might have gotten a little snot on her tank top..hence laundry the next day.

This morning I am happily ignoring the fact that I need to get my ass back into shape eating some chips and drinking a soda (breakfast of champions) when in she comes with the baby in the stroller and the demand that we go for a walk. This led to half an hour of hilarity as we tried to figure out how to work the air compressor to air up the tires on the jogging stroller. We finally did it, but don’t ask me how.

Two in the stroller and one walking and off we went. Oh, forgot to mention, we had the dog too. We had no destination in mind, she just wanted to get out in the fresh air. I’d say we walked a mile to a mile and a half. If you consider all the extra we had…not a bad walk. We are going to try and find another jogger for E so she doesn’t have to walk. She did a pretty good job of keeping up, but I know she had to have been tired.

What is a walk without a stop for ice cream? I refrained, but we got some for the girls and brought Caleb some home. I am now exhausted, but feeling really good overall. I needed that push to get out and get moving and she set the perfect pace. 

So…life is boring and sometimes boring is just what a girl needs. 

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What I wish you knew…

*Disclaimer* First, WordPress ate my blog earlier so this is my second attempt. Second, I will be using the pronoun “I” throughout this simply to make it sound less like I am allowing the voices to talk for me. This does not necessarily represent me or anyone that I know. It is just some things that have come up often enough that I think it would help to put it out there. 

  • Mental illness does not equate “crazy”. Yes, we all know someone that is a few french fries short of a Happy Meal, but they are the exception, not the rule. Most of us suffering with mental illness have a chemical imbalance that responds well to medication. 
  • I will never share my entire life with you for fear that you will use it against me in the future. You might know that I don’t speak to many members of my family, but you will never know the real reason why. History dictates to me that whatever I do say, can and will be used against me at some point.
  • Please don’t tell me to “get over it”. Do you really believe that I want to feel this way? I have done yoga, meditation, etc. If your name does not have Dr. in front of it, then please let me follow the advice of the one that does. 
  • My illness is not about YOU. Reminding me time and time again how much you are having to do around the house to pick up my slack really isn’t helping. I know I have let things slide. I know most days I consider it a success if I shower. I know you are working and trying to maintain things at home. I just don’t have the ability to give a shit.
  • I know it isn’t easy to live with someone in a deep depression or manic state. Trust me though, it is far easier to live with one than to BE one. My mind never stops. It is like an ipod on repeat 24/7. I am constantly reminding myself how I am failing as a person. I really don’t need to hear you tell me.
  • When my mind does finally quiet down at night with the help of a strong sleeping pill, you coming in and yelling doesn’t endear me to you. Right now it is all I can do to love myself. We will worry about you later.

In a nutshell…mental illness sucks for all involved. The difference between you and I? They make pills to keep me calm. Sadly, they have yet to make a pill that will make you less an asshole.

 

*Again, I wrote this in first person only to make it read easier. I am not suggesting this is my life at the moment or at any moment. I just felt this needed to be said in general.*

 

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You can’t fix stupid

A few days ago I read about a woman that claims she was removed from a concert simply because she was breastfeeding her child. I, being a huge breastfeeding proponent, began to read the story expecting to be disgusted by the removal of the woman doing exactly what God intended for her child. Oh, I was disgusted alright, but not with the security, but with the woman.

She was not removed for breastfeeding her child. She was actually never asked to leave the concert. She had her FOUR MONTH OLD CHILD in what is referred to as “the pit” within inches of the stage and the very large speakers. She was told there was concern for the safety of the child and offered a seat in another section comparable to where she was standing with her FOUR MONTH OLD CHILD. Instead of taking the offer, she decided to make it a breastfeeding issue.

The issue, you crazy woman, is that the child could have been hurt if there was a sudden rush to the stage. Yes, it was a country concert and not some heavy metal band, but it is still loud and accidents happen. Must I remind you of the tragic day the stage collapsed at a Sugarland concert injuring several and, if I remember correctly, killing at least one?

If you want to claim no rush would have happened, fine. What about the very loud music coming out of the large speakers? I have been to my share of concerts, rock as well as country and they are all LOUD. My ears are ringing for hours after and I am an adult. It was a poor idea to bring your four month old to the concert. Period.

To try and make it into something it isn’t not only makes you look foolish, but is an insult to those that have had real issues when breastfeeding in public.

*rant over*

 

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Gym-1 Ange-0

This is simply an internal battle that I must win. I have a million excuses and yet honestly, I need to stop the bullshit, get to the gym, and get to work. Today, come hell or high water I will get there.

Summer thus far has been quiet and while not boring, certainly nothing to write about. Caleb is working on some new tricks so that he can compete at the next scooter competition. What started out as a joke seems to be turning into reality. There is a pretty good chance he will eventually get sponsored. He has found something he loves and has stuck with it for almost two years. He talks all this scooter jargon and I just have to nod and smile because I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about.

We have hit the pool a few times, but not nearly as often as we usually do. Emily is usually only good for half an hour so it doesn’t seem worth the effort of getting everyone ready. Yes, I realize how lazy I sound and I will own it.

Emily is being her adorable self. She spends much of her days singing Frozen songs and I spend much of the day laughing. She just makes me smile.

Jami and I took a road trip the other day in what we dubbed “Save Liz”. She was visiting family and got homesick so she sent up the distress signal. We had far too much fun for such a silly thing, but no doubt we both needed it. Lots of silly pictures and tons of laughter. It was so much fun we have another trip planned for September. This one will be an overnight…be ready.

I realize that I have changed a bit in what and how I write. I do a lot less reflection here because honestly, I got sick of reading it so I’m sure others did as well. I am still very much on a journey of learning who I am, I just choose to keep it on a more private level. So, this is why my blogging has been few and far between. I am still feeling my way through.

I think the most important thing is that life is good. The kids and I are having a great summer, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

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The scale is a liar

So, thanks to a good friend that decided to curse out her scale, , I am putting my feet to the fire and joining in.

I have had my gym membership renewed for two months. Haven’t.Gone.Once. I came to the realization that I loved running, but with my knee, I needed a smooth surface, hence the gym. Treadmills are not near as exciting, but if it means I won’t end up writhing on the ground in pain, I will handle it.

The problem? All the excuses I came up with not to go. Some were legit (I had a gig that lasted almost a month) and some not so legit (I had a hangnail).

I have finally gotten a handle on my mental health and now it is time to focus on my physical health. Where is it written that I can either be sane and fat or crazy and thin? Nowhere that I can find and trust me, I’ve looked.

Tomorrow morning, Em and I are taking a nice long walk and Jami and I will be hitting the gym soon. Nothing motivates you more than a skinny ass running beside you and she is a skinny ass.

I can do this. I have done it before. So, consider this my dip in the “fuck you scale” pond. I can’t promise a daily update because I find those annoying for anyone not trying to get in shape. I will update now and again to hold myself accountable.

I refuse to be quite as brave and post my measurements, but lets just say “wide load” and leave it at that.

Time to say goodbye to the soda and hello to the unsweetened tea with lemon.

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Life…

It really is easier to write when things are going south. It gets really boring when life is going smooth and you have no “OMG…shoot me” things to discuss.

We are, I believe, week three into summer break. It is quiet. The kids are enjoying the unstructured days and I am enjoying not feeling like I am in a rush every morning. I finished up my two week assignment and have two more “one day” assignments. Same role so no rehearsal is necessary. 

We haven’t spent too much time at the pool which is highly unusual for us. Emily’s tummy issue has made it not possible, but Caleb is not complaining. He spends much of his days at the skate park. Rumor has it he is going to enter his first competition in a month or so. If he does well, this could mean sponsors. He is not at the level of the pros, but he is doing new things each day and that will hopefully catch the eye of a local place that wants to help push him further. 

I made the decision to not continue Emily’s schooling through the summer. There is an extended summer program for children with an IEP, but honestly, I wanted her to enjoy her summer and she has so many people around her, I’m not at all worried she will regress. Add in us working with the new meds to finally clear up the tummy issue, and it was just a bad idea. 

Life is really this boring. I have no angst to discuss. I might have to create some just to have something to write about. :P

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